Take your clothes off friends...

There is something about friends.... They even had a show about it on TV that we all watched for years.  We watched a group of people live their lives together...quirky, happy, sad, etc... Yes, it was a Hollywood production so it was glamorized but the idea was there.  The idea of living in community, in relationship with people you choose..... the idea of getting all tangled up... getting messy in the good times and hard.  They aren't your born family or married in brothers and sisters they were found... you found each other... you were gifted one another.
Gifted.... I think is what I believe!

In our lives, as women especially, we have our babies surrounded by other women in the same stage of life.  We nurse our babies, share advice, cry through the hardships, smile over the hand painted crafts as our kids grow.  We set up "playdates" for our kids.  We get together for tea so our children can have fun and play with other kids their age.  It's so interesting how we all gravitate towards one another.  Most of us are not in this life wanting to do it alone.  We are looking for people to travel with... for our children to travel with on this journey.  We have our spouse and our families as our foundation, our grounding but our extended "friend families" give us a love and support that is special and of great value.

I am seeing in my own life the different desires I have for community.  The desire to unfold and be real in a vulnerable way with people that I trust.  I have seen how beautiful it is when that happens.  To be the "naked" you with someone... to go home feeling vulnerable because you have been "All out there"... you have been YOU!  And to know you were accepted, even honored... is beautiful!

The heart beats the desire to be accepted as YOU... 

because really that's all you have to give is YOU !  

I guess you can make up a you and I can surely see times in my life when I have done that... insecure times, wanting to be included in a group, wanting to be accepted.  But, to be YOU... to be "all out there" with someone is a big step of trust.

To me being YOU feels vulnerable.... it is a sacred offering to someone!

When someone shares their real self... it's like taking off your clothes.  

There is no covering... nothing to hide behind.  

It's the real deal.  And not always very comfortable.

What a beautiful thing it is to be the "YOU"self... authentic, the real self and see yourself loved by someone.  This path doesn't come without twists in the road, different passerby's, pain and joy but if you are lucky enough to find those friends that know your heartbeat and you know theirs.  Well... you are blessed.

I believe these heart relationships are a beautiful extension of the Divine.  These friendships are a beautiful and loving gift to us.  To be able to be our wonderful, important, beautiful, painful, vulnerable, human selves... our US-SELVES.  To share US with someone else and feel loved and accepted.  This is what the Divine offers us.  It's Freedom!!!!

This journey to our true selves is not always an easy one and the acceptance and knowing is our own but it sure helps to have tea with a friend who you know when she looks at you she loves YOU..... and she feels the same love from you.  I have termed these people "Heart Friends".  They know our hearts, our hurts, our joys... they know us... the REAL US the NAKED US and they love us.

And for that I am so grateful!

These are just the musings of my heart 

as I continue my journey on the road to living as the "BeLoved".

Love, Light and Letting Go.....
Christina

Seeing our wounds.... forgiving and loving ourselves

It was a beautiful morning... just cold enough to get under a blanket on the porch and early enough that the day was fresh with the sounds of birds and the fullness of the wet morning air.  I am growing to crave these quiet moments to myself more and more and when I leave them I feel ready for the day... excited about what it will bring.

I recently bought a new book with short daily meditations that I am thoroughly enjoying.  This morning I decided to read the one for March 16, yesterday, it was so significant to me that I am going to share it.

March 16

Become Willing to Heal your Heart

We don't open our hearts by being a tower of strength.  

We don't open our hearts by glossing things over in our head.  

We open our hearts by telling what we feel.  

We open our hearts by being vulnerable, honest, and gentle.

We've become so strong, so self-sufficient. 

I can deal with that, we say.  

No big deal.  I'll keep moving on.  

Yet many circumstances we've been through, 

and some we're still going through now, 

cause break lines in our heart.  Some of the fractures are small.  

Some are big.  They really hurt.  

Maybe certain people in our lives weren't there for us, 

aren't there for us now in a way we'd like them to be.  

Maybe some deceived us unconsciously or betrayed us deliberately.  

I can deal with that, we say.  I understand.  

They have their own issues.  I forgive.....

Yes, people do have their own issues.  And we do forgive.  

But now it may be time to learn gentleness, compassion, 

understanding,  and forgiveness for ourselves as well.  

We don't open our hearts by ignoring the break lines.  

We take our hand, knowing it's held by God, 

and gently run our fingers across each crack.  

Yes, its' there.  Yes, I feel it.

Taken from ~  Journey to the Heart  by Melody Beattie

These words resonated on so many levels to me but as I sit with them what I hear most is a message of Love.  A message of how hard it is to look at where we have been wounded or have wounded others.  It's much easier to come up with excuses where we were right, they were wrong or even make excuses for those who have hurt us.  But in truth, the really hard work and the loving work is to look at our wounds.  Give them the attention they need to be fully healed.  Take time to Love Ourselves.  To honor those wounded places in us... to take a real look at them is Loving to Ourselves.   

Doing this work is not easy and to say it's part of the journey sounds like a ridiculous understatement... but it is.  This work is a journey of the heart.... it is one of choice and sometimes not a short one.  I feel that taking this intentional look at ourselves we begin to know ourselves deeper.  We begin an intimate journey to knowing our True Selves.  I do believe so deeply that doing the work becomes as much an act of loving ourselves as it will become the love we give to others.

So how to do this.... that is the question.  I have small glimpses from the Divine but definitely don't have the answers.  Sitting with myself is the beginning.  Sitting with the Divine is a safe place to look at myself.   Feeling my body and listening to my heart and my longings.   And walking with gentleness and compassion for myself and others will be important.

Much love and light to all of us on our journey....

Grateful reminders....

As I begin a new day and a new week, which I already see is full of so many activities, I am trying to remind myself to be present.  As I sat down to a moment of quiet to settle my mind I flipped open my journal and stumbled upon something I wrote about a month ago.  It was a gift to me to read this again.  I am grateful to begin my day with this message of love to me and a reminder of presence.  It is beautiful to read this in the quiet space of home before entering into the days beauty and busyness.  My hope is to carry this message with me as I walk through each day.  

Beloved... Beloved... My Beloved

Be loved.

Be present to this day

In this moment

and be loved.

Receive.

That is all.

Receiving vs. Earning

Thinking a lot about what it means to be a Receiver vs. being an Earner this morning.

I'm on a journey these day to truly seeing myself.   I am trying to slow down and take an honest look at myself.  Who I am?  It's crazy to say the least...  Well, I have seen in the past few weeks that I am a "doer".   If you are reading this and you know me you are probably laughing saying... "Duh?" ha!   Yes, Definitely!  I get shit done!  I come up with an idea and by the end of the day or week it is in process or done.  That is a good thing in a lot of ways.  It brings me fulfillment to see things happen and it keeps things going around our house.  I guess you could say, "It gets the laundry done."   But, when it come to identity stuff I see how I can be a "doer" too.... an earner.   I see I can be a "doer" to "earn" a positive view of myself.  Which is really garbage, I know it, but I clearly see that I do it.

So, then how do I make a shift.   How do I live without my feelings of my worthiness being connected to me earning it... being good enough... perfect enough... doing enough?  How do I look at myself from a different vantage point?  As I have been thinking of this I saw something clearly.  Earning comes from doing and doing is very connected to ME....to something "I" do.

A different place to live would be out of a place of receiving.  Receiving is a gift.  It has nothing to do ME... nothing to do with what I do or did or say or create or act out.   Receiving also feels like Waiting.  Sitting.  Listening.  Hearing.  I can say it is not always easy to be a receiver.

I believe receiving without earning is Love.  

It feels like perfect love to me.  

Gifted love.  

Well, I don't have the final answer.  I'm not totally sure how to be more of a receiver and less of a doer in the heart way living... the viewpoint of myself.  But, I see glimpses of the journey... the Sitting, the Listening, the Hearing.  In essence the Receiving.

So....The prayer of my heart this morning is to walk through more days Receiving... Receiving the simple beauty of this life.  But, not just that.   I want to receive in the middle of less doing.  I want to receive the affirmation of who I am from a different place within.  A Gift of Love from the Divine.

Giving and Receiving

by Pujakins

The loving heart

gives without thought,

without stint of itself;

gives and is given in return.

And I am given that I may give,

and give that giving may be and continue.

All life is a giving and a receiving,

that the giving may have a purpose

and the receiving a place to be.

Unfolding the gifts means 

unwrapping the giving

to discover the receiver

and by accepting

the receiver in turn gives 

as the circle becomes complete.

With a full heart my giving is.

With an open heart, my receiving is.

The love that gives and receives

has endless supply and never lacks;

the love that gives without stint

receives the same and more,

and finds in the giving

and in the receiving

endless joy.